so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
