The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
