i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
