Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize