I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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