i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
