honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pray to the hookup gods
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