1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
