He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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