It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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