my phone needs a breathalizer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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