Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
