some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
