His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
