Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize