Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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