found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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