it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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