he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
