Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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