i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
