dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize