A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
