I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
