Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I looked at my own cervix.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
