I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
