It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
