I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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