oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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