my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
