if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
