I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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