thus making me awesome and them whores
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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