You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize