her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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