I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
