it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
