goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize