Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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