marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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