you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
