can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
