Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize