Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
