Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
