It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
