chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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