If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
