i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
