Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
