I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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