I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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