Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
