Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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