I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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