i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize