So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
