His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
