Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize