He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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