I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize