Christians are straight up FREAKS
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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