Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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