You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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