the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize