Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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