My brain says no but my pants say off.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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