i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize