I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize