So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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